The challenges I face being an introvert

  

    The challenges I face being an introvert

                          Written by Md. Ashrafi Tahmid ID23101108 15 August 2023

Being an introvert in a society that values extroversion can be a challenging experience. I can vouch for that as I am an introvert. I have encountered numerous misconceptions and struggles related to my personality type. Today, I am going to share my personal experience with you all.

First, let's clarify one common misconception about introverts. Oftentimes,people confuse being an introvert with being a shy or an antisocial person. But, that's not always the case. Being an introvert means that you draw energy from quiet, from being alone with your thoughts and your imagination. Introverts like silence, because interacting with people drains us. That doesn't mean that we hate interacting with people or that we never want to. It just means that you have a very limited supply of interacting energy. For example, if someone asked me about something that I am passionate about then I can talk for hours. But if I have to do small talk with people then my mind goes completely blank. We introverts absolutely despise small talk. It's not because we are rude or shy; it's just a personality type. But,we happen to live in a culture, in a society that is designed for and by extroverts, and so they get to define everything. They get to define us. According to them, we are abnormal. But their definitions and their perceptions of us are wrong. We are also normal people.

Now you might ask why introverts hate small talks. I will explain it to you. First reason we hate small talks is to us it feels insincere. We introverts don’t like insincere conversations.We are very bad at it and we have no interest in it. We don't like to talk to someone when we know that the other person in the conversation isn't really interested in what we are saying as we are in what they are saying. Which is, neither of us are really interested, so to us, this feels like a wasted interaction. Our finite amount of people energy is being depleted by this completely useless exchange that is of no interest to anyone concerned. Now here's the thing,despite popular belief we don't hate talking.We enjoy conversations. It's just that we enjoy meaningful conversation. So we want to get to know each other in a conversation. We want to get to know the other person. We want to hear their thoughts and their perspectives. We want to get an insight into who they are and we are very interested in that. However, if they are not invested in the discussion and they don't care what we are saying and we don't really care what they're saying because it's just a pointless thing, then we kind of shut down. The same thing could happen even in a non-small talk discussion. If we think we are having a meaningful discussion,but then we start sharing our point of view, and we look at the other person and we see the "I don't care at all about what you're saying" expression or we get that feeling. We start to get the feeling that really, this is one of those conversations where you're just waiting for your turn to talk, that it doesn't really matter to you what we're saying. The moment we start to sense that,we just shut down. We don't want to have the conversation anymore because it's not that we are offended, or our feelings are hurt, or anything personal, but it's just that it's pointless.

Now, you might say, "Well, you need small talk in order to transition into the deeper subjects." But no, that's not how we work. That's how you work as an extrovert, maybe, but we don't. We would have no problem whatsoever just jumping right into the deeper topic. To us, the transition or the small talk part of it gets in the way of and puts off and interferes with the more meaningful interaction.

The second reason why introverts hate small talk is that they are up in our heads all the time,constantly, and we like that. We like to be there thinking and imagining and wondering, whatever.It's not a self-absorbed thing, it's not like we're always thinking about ourselves. We could be thinking about anything. But if you rip us out of that,then we prefer if you have a good reason. For you, you're being friendly by engaging in small talk. But from our perspective, we're being friendly by not talking to you at all and not bothering you. To us, that's being friendly.

The third reason is that we are analytical. I've already explained that we're up in our heads all the time, and that means that we're very analytical about things. We analyze everything, and we especially analyze human interactions. Hence, we will leave every small talk conversation analyzing and assessing our own performance in the exchange. While the extrovert may leave the exchange and just go about his day and not think about it anymore, for us, we are left thinking about it, inspecting ourselves, giving ourselves a grade on the whole thing. Usually, it will be a pretty poor grade, although sometimes we'll walk away saying, "Oh,you know,wow,well done. Maybe that was pretty. Yeah, that was a B-plus small talk performance. Well done." Then we have to go take a nap because we're so drained and exhausted by it. But we prefer to avoid this. To us,this is kind of a high-pressure situation that will lead to a very tough self-analysis. While silence may be painful to you as an extrovert, it's not to us. The pain starts when you break that silence, and that's the difference between us.

Personally, I don't think that one is wrong and the other is right. It's just these are just personality types. Of course,this doesn't mean that we can avoid small talks all the time. It's a necessary evil, especially in our society. But it's exhausting for us and we don't like it. It doesn't come naturally to us. If you are an extrovert, imagine how you would feel as an extrovert if you were forced to sit in a quiet room alone for an hour and talk to nobody, nobody around and nothing to do. You just have to sit there. Imagine the discomfort and the exhaustion and wanting desperately to get out and to get into your natural environment. That's how you would feel, and that's how we feel  small talks. I don't think it's rude. I don't think it's shy. It's nothing like that. It's just, this is just our personality.

My personality makes me reserved in making friends or acquaintances. I am currently studying at university. I have to do each course with separate people and it changes every semester. This makes me new acquaintances. Which is very exhausting for me.

Hopefully, people will understand introverts better now. Thanks for reading my blog.

Author Bio:

Md. Ashrafi Tahmid

Md. Ashrafi Tahmid was born in Dhaka, Bangladesh, on January 10, 2003. Currently doing bachelors degree in CSE major at BRAC University.